It's Not That I Want to sleep..

It's that I don't want to be awake. I'd rather not be conscious and deal with my conscious mind.

I don't want to do anything see anyone or think about anything. And sure you might call it an escape. That I'm running away from reality. But let's face it, reality sucks unless you are lucky.

For most of us, life is nothing but a series of disappointments and hardship. We hardly get to choose. our lives are shaped by the people who come before us. where we are born. our lineage.

It all shapes the kind of life you will lead. whether or not you assimilate. ignorance is truly a bliss.

I don't see myself as more intelligent than the average person, on the contrary, I see myself as quite the unintelligent person. The choices I've made, the decisions I took. All show a severe lack in judgment. An innate inability to process the information at hand and come up with a desirable outcome. Coupled with extreme lack of motivation (too fucking lazy) to do anything. I cannot see change coming.

So I sleep. I kick the can a little further down the road. not that it achieves anything or elevates the underlying causes. 

Another day in paradise.

Ugh. So I'm doing the blogging thing again. I honestly do not know why.

For some reason I ended Up reading my old blog from 2005 on archive.org way back machine, man was that interesting. I was a different person back then, and I feel that I don't really know that person. 

I don't know if it comes with age or the countless disappointments over the years. It's disheartening seeing your interest in life wane, I still have the same interests for the most part, but not the energy or willingness to follow through on anything.

I've ended up a bored lazy old man, well maybe not that old but still lazy. no drive to achieve anything on any level. all I do is stare at my screen and procrastinate. I think I can list that as a hobby =D

oh ended up checking the Watson personality insights thing and I gotta say it's very interesting. it seems to be very spot on.

You are skeptical, somewhat inconsiderate and informal.

You are imaginative: you have a wild imagination. You are philosophical: you are open to and intrigued by new ideas and love to explore them. And you are excitement-seeking: you are excited by taking risks and feel bored without lots of action going on.

Your choices are driven by a desire for revelry.

You consider both helping others and independence to guide a large part of what you do. You think it is important to take care of the people around you. And you like to set your own goals to decide how to best achieve them.

It's nuts what people can do with computers these days. 

I have no idea why or what I'm doing so I will stop talking for now.