It's that I don't want to be awake. I'd rather not be conscious and deal with my conscious mind.
I don't want to do anything see anyone or think about anything. And sure you might call it an escape. That I'm running away from reality. But let's face it, reality sucks unless you are lucky.
For most of us, life is nothing but a series of disappointments and hardship. We hardly get to choose. our lives are shaped by the people who come before us. where we are born. our lineage.
It all shapes the kind of life you will lead. whether or not you assimilate. ignorance is truly a bliss.
I don't see myself as more intelligent than the average person, on the contrary, I see myself as quite the unintelligent person. The choices I've made, the decisions I took. All show a severe lack in judgment. An innate inability to process the information at hand and come up with a desirable outcome. Coupled with extreme lack of motivation (too fucking lazy) to do anything. I cannot see change coming.
So I sleep. I kick the can a little further down the road. not that it achieves anything or elevates the underlying causes.